You have the power
Power is a weird word. A weird concept. Even writing it, feels a bit difficult. Power is associated with politicians, wars, police, or gyms. None of those have purely positive vibes, except maybe gyms, but that’s open for discussion.
Power has to do with influence, with direction, with authority. Who gets to have power, gets to make decisions. And most of us, the media and other sources tint that word with negativity. Rightfully so. At least sometimes.
A company has co-founders, a leadership team, an executive team, a board, or some kind of mix of those. Generally those groups are the ones making the final decisions on what is happening inside. Whether you want to be as flat as possible or not, this group likely has the power over the company. I was in this group at Parabol.
Introduction
Almost 2 years ago I joined Parabol as the Head of Engineering. Before that I was in Senior Engineering Manager roles, leading multiple teams, or Team Leads. So the being part of the executive team was new to me.
Parabol is a small startup. 27 people. But it was and still is a difficult role to join an existing company and team. I had some concerns, as it was very important to me to build and have good relationships with the people I work with. Especially in a virtual environment. We all know the challenges that come with that.
Communication and relationship building are still the most challenging topics in remote companies. I was aware of that.
Part of Parabol's hiring process was something called Batting Practice. The last step before an offer is made or not. The candidate would work roughly 20 hours, across 2-3 weeks with the company or team they are joining. Paid of course. A great idea, although it can be taxing on the individual if they still have a day job.
I want to spare you all the details around those 2 weeks. The only thing I wanted to highlight is that I focused on building relationships. If the team is going to decide whether I'd join as their manager, I should make sure they know me and get a good understanding of how I would work with them. That's what I did. That's what ultimately got me the job.
Building Trust as a New Leader
Cool. New Job. New Team. New products to build. Exciting. All true, but not without its challenges and sweat that had to be put into. To be honest, onboarding periods can feel daunting as managers at any level. You work on building relationships, you try to understand the cultural history of the team/company, you learn about the product, and in the end you don't have much to show for.
Not here to complain, just trying to shed some light on how this feels for non-individual contributors. Building trust with the people is the number one thing, when you join as a leader in a remote company.
I have two super tools. Two values that help me building trust. Being Open and Honest. I've written about this in my early career, and it still holds true. There is nothing that beats being an open and honest leader. It might not be everything, but it build a great foundation. Together with talking to people, asking questions, showing up and learning about the intricacies of the existing culture trust with the team should be in reach.
It is tough to share a one plan fits all for this. It is very individual to the company, and people that work there.
Set up 1:1s with everyone in your area, and maybe even others that work with your team(s) cross-functional.
Be open about your process. Share that you are "onboarding/learning" and ask them to give you feedback if you misunderstood something, or should be aware of something else.
If you make mistakes, own them. You will clearly miss something in the beginnings. That's normal. Be open and learn something from it.
Listen. Active Listening is something I continue to preach to others about. Such a helpful skill to have. Being able to listen properly is worth more than money.
After a while do a retrospective, or an open feedback round where people can share whatever they think could be improved (make it anonymous if that is preferred)
Who's the boss?
Alright. You are in. You are building trust. Relationships are being build. You organization feels flat and friendly. You generally are a servant leader or more of a coach. And now?
The thing is, you start to realise that you are also a boss. I definitely did. I didn't want to. Or at least I thought so. Being a boss felt old. But in the end I and you still are one. It is important to realise that and acknowledge that fact.
What does it mean to be a boss? According to the internet, a boss is an individual who has power over working conditions, finances, careers and ultimately the working life of the individuals. You set salaries, you promote people, you create a safe working environment, but you also can fire and let people go. And if not used in the right way, this power can also create a bad working culture, hinder people from growing and block whole teams.
We all know this. We all worked with good and bad bosses. But once we are in the same seat, we don't realise it right away. We don't want to maybe realise it. We want to be helpful, serve the teams, and make them succeed and grow.
I needed to acknowledge that. This time around it will feel different.
The Duality
It took some time until I realised that there is something going. A feeling I wasn't able to describe. I heard about it from others, at Parabol, but also at past companies. "It sometimes feels weird, having 3 people from the executive team in the meeting." - "You are also on the exco team." It was sentences like that. Mentions like that, raised alarm clocks in my head. That's not how I want people to feel? Why would they think I behave differently in this meeting, just because I am also part of the company leadership?
Well, I learned, it is because those roles have power. Those roles make decisions on behalf of others. Even if you want to be flat, and want to give the power to the people. In most companies there is still a company leadership. Whatever form that takes on.
It became even harder for me, when we had discussions around financial topics, business decisions that would impact the livelihoods of others. Even just talking about layoffs, or company futures that don't contain the team as it was at that day. Those conversations couldn't leave the room yet. We needed amnesty to discuss various scenarios, be open to make mistakes while we are figuring things out.
That's when I realised my value of transparency couldn't be lived like I always would live it. I had to stay a closed book for certain topics, for a certain time. Eventually things can be shared, but in those moments I learned some hard lessons. This is also the moment where you as the leader or manager shield your teams from things that aren't set in stone yet.
I have to say that those periods were generally fairly short, as Parabol is a very transparent company. But still that learning - "Hey, Marcus, you sit in a different seat." - hit home. Now I understood, people might talk to me differently, than what how they did in the past at other companies.
Looking back there are few things I did that helped me overcome this, and continue to build deep relationships and use the "power" I was given for the better.
Be Kind: Very straightforward. Still is weird to have to bring it up, but it is not common. Be kind. Be empathetic. If people start opening up to you, listen, and lean into it.
No Ego Doer: This becomes so important in a role at the top. It can easily overwhelm you. "I've got the power - let's use it." Don't end up in that spiral, it'll hurt you, your career and the people around you. Always think about the bad bosses you had. Don't be that.
Manage your emotions: I learned this over the past year. Whatever emotions you as a leader (especially in the company leadership) display, will get mirrored. I am not saying hide your emotions, just be sure that whatever you send will be received. In moments of uncertainty or difficulty, people look at every small little things and start to see things that might not be true.
Connect with others: Talking to others at the some level is always a good idea. Talk to folks at the same company or find people in your network that are working roughly at the same level. Believe me it helps.
Talk about boundaries: I tend to be very open, and always try to build good relationships with the people I manage. Sometimes this can lead to friendships later on in life. But sometimes it shouldn't. When I feel like I have a good relationships with folks, I will also share personal topics or struggles. That can be ok in some cases, but might not work for most of the people you lead. Make sure that you leave enough space for them. Don't take over all their time. Show that you care about them. Ask if something has crossed a line, or if you made a mistake. It'll be better this way.
Look for what's not being said: The thing is, you are not their peer anymore. People will not tell you everything, as long as they don't feel very very confident. Similar to the point above, people might not cross the boundary and share personal topics with you, or challenges they have at work. People will also speak differently with you, the one with power. It is natural behaviour. The only skill you can train is learn to listen for this. Ask question if something isn't clear and respect the boundaries.
Conclusion
Navigating the complex dynamics of leadership and power within an organization is hard. It requires a delicate balance between authority and empathy. You are both a servant leader and a boss. And this comes with inevitable challenges and responsibilities, particularly in the context of a small, tightly-knit team operating in a virtual environment. Embracing the duality.
Acknowledging the inherent power dynamics while striving to maintain openness, kindness, and a commitment to team growth, can lead to a more cohesive and resilient organizational culture. Leaders, who are cognizant of their influence and the impact of their decisions, are better positioned to navigate the complexities of team dynamics, ultimately contributing to the success and sustainability of the organization.
