How I laid myself off

Introduction

This is not clickbait. Yes. I laid myself off.

Layoffs have been a frequently talked about topic recently. I see a lot of posts on LinkedIn about people who are losing their jobs. It's a tough market. So why the heck would I do this to myself?

I wanted to write about this because I can't remember that I ever read something like this. A leader laying themselves off? We usually see articles about how people can cope with being laid off, or how leaders should behave or communicate in a phase like this. The question I want to ask is - do leaders always have to stay?

The funny thing is, I recently went through both laying off folks, and then ultimately laying myself off.

This is a story about empathy, no-ego doing, servant leadership, and understanding what you as an individual want to do.

Layoff Season

Layoffs are a tricky topic. I wanted to share my experience as a leader and everything that came with it, but I also feel a bit bad about the general topic. I am still in a privileged position, many others aren't 😔. I was or have been in a leadership position, which often is the last one that leaves. I live in a country that has social support, and am healthy. Things not everyone has. The least I can do is to acknowledge it.

Getting laid off sucks.

There is nothing to sugarcoat it.

As I said above, I am likely in a more privileged position, so keep that in mind. I never got laid off myself, except for last month. I consoled those that did, and I had to break the news myself. Nonetheless, I know it sucks. Layoffs come out of nowhere, you don't have any decision power over them, and from one day to the next your livelihood might be in danger.

Leading in tough times

In the past year, I've experienced layoffs and everything that comes with it from a different perspective than before. I was part of the company leadership at Parabol. Being part of an executive team of a business comes with it own set of tasks and challenges. Something that was new to me.

Is the business in trouble? What about the finances? SVB bank is going down - where is our money? What is our strategy for the next year? What are we presenting at the board meeting? All topics that I wasn't in touch with before Parabol. There were a ton of learnings, for which I am going to be very grateful.

Being involved in all those business decisions means being involved in all the good but also all the bad things. Leading through tough times is probably the hardest thing you are going to do. Figuring out a survival strategy for a business, while at the same time trying to move your product forward. Lots of decisions that have to be made, and unfortunately no ability to know the future.

As a company, Parabol was and is quite transparent, as was our leadership communication. So when hard topics come up, not a lot of time passes until that is shared with the rest of the team. Whatever news it is.

Transparency in times of worry

Two of my most important values at work and in life are Transparency and Honesty. Nothing wrong with those. I generally live by those as much as I can. I don't hide anything from my team and I am always honest and direct. Of course, empathy plays a part in that too. Never be fully transparent and honest without a touch of empathy.

The thing is, when you as a leadership team discuss the future of the company for weeks and months, there is a point where you can't keep all of the information in a closed circle. People start to wonder - "What are they talking about?". Rightfully so. In a transparent company, you expect your leadership to do the same.

There is one problem though. When you, as an executive team, discuss scenarios, you are brainstorming. You can't predict the future and you need to evaluate what might work. Can you cut budgets? Will that be enough? Do you have to pivot the product strategy? Do you have to eventually lay off people? Can you raise additional money?

There are many questions, that up to a certain point stay unanswered. And you as a leadership team need to figure out what to do. And in that, you realize you can't be transparent. Or at least not just yet. There is a time when you and other leaders need to discuss, brainstorm, diverge, and converge again. This takes time.

That means not everything can be shared right away. Sharing transparently without thinking, or without empathy, isn't a great option. If you do so without thinking about it, it can actually hurt people.

When it comes to laying someone off. As much as it sucks. As much as layoffs are horrible. It is not great to know about it months ahead. From one day to the other is also not great, but maybe there is a way to handle this transparently with more empathy.

No place for egos

One thing I learned early on in my career as a manager, is that egos don't have any space in leadership. The reason is simple. Ego kills empathy. Ego kills any space to reflect and be of service to others.

That's how I've managed and led in the past until now. I am not a person with a big ego, which is one of the reasons why servant leadership always sounded right to me.

Servant leadership is a kind of philosophy where the main goal of the leader is to serve others, prioritizing the well-being and development of their team members above their own self-interests. It emphasizes the growth and well-being of people and the communities to which they belong, fostering a collaborative, empathetic, and ethical environment.

Ego comes into play when we talk about layoffs because every leader eventually has to think about their role when those conversations arise. If you make a team or a company smaller, what roles are still needed? Are you as an executive still going to do the same work?

There are a lot of factors to answering those questions. Company size is the main one. If the company is staying still fairly huge, you need leaders and managers. If not, the question should come up: Are you still needed?

It's easier said than done. Ego is in all of us. We all want to save our own "asses" eventually. Some people are more privileged than others and might be able to handle that situation with more ease.

The most important topic it should boil down though is the following. You, as a company leader, and as an executive, should have the best in mind for the company. You are a servant to the team and the company. This is what your day-to-day work is focused on. Preserve the company, make it grow and succeed. In theory, there is no space for ego.

The decision - I'll lay myself off

And that is the exact principle I applied to my role. Making decisions is hard, making tough decisions is even harder. And sharing all about it without all the context around it is tricky. I'll do my best to shed some light on why did what I did.

As a leader, and as part of the company leadership your main work revolves around making the business work. Whether you do 1:1s, help build the product, shape processes or set up meetings. The ultimate goal is to continue to work on your vision.

In strategy sessions this is what you and your team discuss. What are the best ways to get us to our finish line. What even is the finish line? I was part of many of those sessions at Parabol. They are hard and they are fun. All at the same time. The last one for me was the toughest.

You have to understand. I am an engineer by heart. I like solving problems. In the beginning of my career I did so via writing code. Lately I focused on the people side of things. I enjoy building, growing, and helping product engineering teams so much. And with that I had to ask myself, would there be space for a role like that in a smaller org? Would an org like that benefit from people leadership or more from Individual Contributor work?

For me the answer was simple, but hard. I will lay myself off.

Initially, it was tough. No one likes uncertainty. And although I am doing it to myself. Being out of a job is not cool. But hey, I will stay true to my values and what I stand for.

That's what I proposed to the leadership team. And here we are. I laid myself off. I stepped back, to make space for someone else. Maybe it is altruistic, maybe it is servant leadership at its highest peak. Maybe. To me, it felt hard but right.

Would I have wanted to continue? For sure, there are still lots of cool product topics to be worked on by Parabol. Would I have wanted to still have a job? For sure. But I also know that another role will serve the business much more. And that is what my role ultimately was. Asking the question: "What is the best for the business, while keeping the impact on people as low as possible?"

The end

That is how my experience with Parabol ended. I am grateful for all the learnings I had, for all the connections I made. I think Parabol helped me grow into the next level of leader I wanted to become. With an outcome that is rather unfortunate for me, but I think was the right choice.

Yes, it feels different than getting laid off out of nowhere. For sure. I somehow had a small say in the decision. That is different.

And now? Not sure yet. I've been taking a little breather, to reflect and cope with the stressful and exhausting past year. I am reaching out to my network, to connect with folks I haven't talked to. I am writing again. Recording some podcasts, if opportunities show up. And last but not least I am trying to figure out what is next.

If you made it this far, and you would want to chat with me, or maybe even work together. Don't hesitate to reach out. I am open to almost anything ;)

Until then 👋